Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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