omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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