i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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