Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
my shit smells like andre
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
