You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
