why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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