You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Randomize
