we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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