I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Well I just put wine in my tea
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
