I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
