you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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