I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
