I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
