We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
