Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Randomize
