YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
