i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
