Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
