I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
ok first of all what the fuck
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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