ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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