She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Randomize
