i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
