I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
