We're like a lot better than the average bears
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
