I think scott just propositioned me for sex
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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