at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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