That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
