nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
