dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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