it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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