Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
