Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
