I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
