you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
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