operation have a gay friend backfired
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
