pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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