doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
