My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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