Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
These tits shall not be calmed
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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