(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
