is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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