Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
