Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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