The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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