So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
