I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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