her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Your cock deserves a montage
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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