my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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