We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
