Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
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