So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
