her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
