We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
