matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
