I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
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