you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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