You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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