Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Never joke about your clitoris.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
