do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
