I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
