Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
