I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
