omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
