i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
