he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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