I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
