Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dignity is for republicans.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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