i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
