There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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