Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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