His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
