I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
