I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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