i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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