were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
