I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
