Sry I called you an 8
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
