he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
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I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
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Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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