She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
