Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
handjob tips. give me some.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
