I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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