I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
