Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize
