I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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