Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
