It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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